i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
