You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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