He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
This toilet bowl is my home.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
