You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
