my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
We left the knife in your bed.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize