i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
