You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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