Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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