u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
