I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
