Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
