i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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