Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
