HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
he was CRYING into my vagina
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
