Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
