After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
