i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
The uberlube is also flammable
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
