I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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