I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I intend to get homeless drunk
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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