Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize