"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
