I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
