My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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