I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
