since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
