the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
