i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Randomize
