I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
