operation have a gay friend backfired
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
