It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
