He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
