i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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