just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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