i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
