I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
