Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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