I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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