I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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