I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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