Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
