Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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