How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
