i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
