im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
