We're like a lot better than the average bears
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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