The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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