Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
