I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
