Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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