saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
My vagina just recognized that song.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize