she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
