I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
