Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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