As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
These tits shall not be calmed
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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