If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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