His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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