When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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