I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Buhtt sex?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
