Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
