Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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