doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
