My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
