I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
