Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
