let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize