ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
My friends, they love my intelligence
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
