I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
