I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
