Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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