Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
