Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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