Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
