There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
