I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
