So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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