proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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