i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
