You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Randomize
