I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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