i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
