My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize