the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
