I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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