absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
whose parrot is this?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
