actually, I'm a sock model
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
