one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
