Porn is love you can see.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
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