How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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