its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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