At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
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