this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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