True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
